Sometimes at night when I’m trying to sleep I obsess about things and people I have lost. There was a time a few years ago - like 2007 or 08 that seemed like some nightmare of loss. During that time, I lost my family’s home, tons of stuff from the house, my mother, quite a few friends that moved to the coasts, my love (temporarily), and due to being bat-shit crazy and broke - I lost a ton of stuff to the pawn shop. Now it seems like the pawn shop has become some kind of nightmare destination. No matter what I’m thinking about having lost before nodding off - my dreams take me to the pawn shop.
Last night I dreamed that a friend was taking me to pick up things I’d pawned. It was simutaneously 2007 and now - the way dreams give you that unsure time frame. We went in and I was stressed because I lost my pawn ticket but I had an old one, my i.d, and a tattered birth certificate. I asked for my items and was embarassed that I couldn’t remember everything I’d pawned. I had about $200 dollars with me and had no idea what I would be able to retrieve. So I asked for the one thing I knew I had to get: my Trace Elliott guitar amp half-stack. The lady went to the back and was gone for what seemed like hours. When she came back - she informed me that the amp had been put up for sale and sold to a guy using it as speakers in his car. I began sobbing and screamed that I’d been scammed. Then I saw my coffee maker sitting in the back with some gross guy pouring a cup from it. Somehow, in dreamland, I had managed to pawn my Cuisinart Brewstation (retails at about $90 bux). The same lady tells me that it had also been siezed and that it would cost $350 dollars to get back. At that point I ran out of the pawn shop and into traffic. Before getting hit, I woke up.
Out of all the serious, heavy shit I went through and people I lost - my dream-mind always goes back to that amp. Why? I almost feel guilty for not dreaming more of my mom and my friends who are gone. But you can’t really help what you dream about, I guess.
I need to write this out somewhere - and I like reading other people’s list - so here it goes. In no particular order of importance.
1. Quit smoking by the end of the month. I couldn’t stick with my July target date because I couldn’t get out of work for the the first couple of days. I also want to line it up w/ my cycle so that my hormones are at a decent level.
2. Start building a mobile DJ desk. I have the saw - I just need the materials and the vision.
3. Draw every day. I haven’t been drawing much. The studio has been an oven since June and I’ve been parked in the living room too much w/out a sketch pad watching Battlestar Galactica.
4. Start playing guitar again. Simple. I need to plan on it instead of just wandering into the music room and playing AC/DC riffs for 5 mins every 2 months.
5. Begin Halloween crafts. I want to set up at the fall YART. Plus I like skulls.
6. Work on new stuff for my October show at Savages. I want to have all different stuff that people aren’t expecting. I won’t upload any process pictures because I want it to be a surprise.
7. Go to the doctor. Too many little problems are adding up to a lot of pain, worry, and burying-my-head-in-the-sand.
8. Complete a demo DJ mix to hand out. This is a lot tougher than it seems and I’m a little overwhelmed. Making mixtapes is my favorite thing in the world - and mixing one that represents my style and my dj skills is a dooooozie.
9. Put together and send out various packages and letters to friends that live far away. THIS MEANS YOU.
10. Paint Jim’s cardboard dulcimer thingy that he built.
11. Set up and paint my yellow suitcase to carry my dj gear.
12. Use projector for a painting.
13. Get a new mohawk.